Wainwright Tile & Stone was* a real business in my Charlottesville neighborhood. Every time I saw their sign I wondered what the commercial jingle would sound like if it was Rufus Wainwright’s shop, so I dreamed this up to the tune of his 2001 song “Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk.” And, just as Rufus’s version turns slightly sinister after the initial verses, so does mine; but I’m certain that the folks at the real Wainwright Tile & Stone were all very nice and wouldn’t have dreamed of helping you design your own kill room, as my version implies.
*I actually recorded this nearly two years ago but hesitated to share it for fear of hurting their feelings. If I was in their shoes, I certainly wouldn’t want my reputation sullied by some nut-job with an overactive imagination and superior SEO. But they’ve recently folded up shop, so I’m in the clear.
Considering the other “unofficial jingle” I wrote for Cincinnati’s now-defunct Park + Vine, I seem well on the way to becoming the Weird Al of the Gone-Out-of-Business set. If you need to drive your business into the ground, don’t delay… call today!